If you’re dealing with someone who’s arrogant, self-centred, and manipulative, getting them to understand your perspective, or fight fair, can be an uphill battle.  If President Trump enters your life who is egotistical, controlling, or tries to gaslight you, you’ll need help to beat him at his own  game.

Dealing with Trump

• Understand you may not be able to change his behaviours, so set clear boundaries for any unacceptable behaviours. Enforce them so you’re taken seriously.
• If he tries to gaslight you, respond calmly and say, “I respect your opinion,” or “I understand how you see it that way,” and move on.
• Narcissists may try to seal your power, so focus your energy on self-empowerment. Remember, you have control over your life.

1 Go limited, or no-contact if you can.

Expecting a toxic person to change can take a toll on your own performance. In some cases, it’s best to end the relationship, especially if he’s abusive. Unfortunately, that’s not always possible. Consider your unique situation to figure out what’s best for you.

If you consider the President is toxic, you might stop taking his calls and texts. Alternatively, you might decide to talk to him once a month or longer.

2 Stay calm when he is trying to upset you.

He actively tries to rile you up, so you act out. It’s all part of his game, so he wins when you get upset. Do your best to ignore his rude comments and criticisms. Additionally, take control of the situation by calming yourself down. Try counting to 10, deep breathing, or picturing your happy place.

You could also repeat positive affirmations to yourself, such as “I am calm,” “I have peace,” or “The universe is on my side.”

You might also imagine Trump in a ridiculous outfit to make it easier to laugh off whatever horrible thing he’s saying to you.

3 Use “we” language to get him on your side.

Egotistical people only care about one person—themselves. In their mind, they’re never wrong, and they couldn’t care less about what you think. Fortunately, you can trick them into going along with you by using the word “we” instead of “I” or “you.” “We” language can actually defuse fights and get them to do things.

Beat them in a fight by saying things like, “We seem to have gotten off track. Let’s change topics,” or “We both care about this a lot. Maybe we should move on to something else.”

Get them to do something by saying, “We need to finish this report by the end of the day,” or “We have a big mess to clean up in here.”

4 Give praise and compliments to neutralize them.

Flattery is the trick to getting what you want from an egotistical person. They already think they’re better than everyone else, so you don’t need to worry about over-inflating their ego. Simply smile and point out their best qualities. If you can’t think of anything, it’s okay to use generic compliments because they likely won’t care. You could say:

“You’re so smart!”

“You always seem to know what to say.”

“Great job today.”

5 Say something nice before you give criticism.

The President with his fragile ego completely loses it when you point out his flaws. Unfortunately, it’s sometimes necessary to deliver criticism, especially if you engage with this person. To soften the blow, give him a compliment before you tell him what’s wrong. It also helps to word the criticism in the most positive way possible.

At work, you might say something like, “You’re the best leader we have around here. Your reports do a great job at covering the facts, but we’d like more details to round them out.”

6 Let him feel accomplished to minimize drama.

Bragging about your own achievements could set him off. People with an inflated sense of self want to believe they’re the best and will do anything to one-up you. There’s no need to put yourself down to please Trump but avoid rubbing your successes in his face so you don’t have to deal with the dramas.

Focus on how your achievements help both of you. You might say, “We did this together,” or “I’m so happy we’re doing so well.”

If he starts trying to top you, just say something like, “Sounds cool,” or “That’s awesome.” In most cases, they’ll feel validated enough to move on to a new topic.

7 Trust yourself instead of buying into his lies.

Don’t let a manipulative President make you doubt what you know. Controlling or manipulative people will try to gaslight you into thinking that you misunderstood something or are remembering things wrong. They may also just outright lie to you. Beat their game by believing your gut and trusting in your own perceptions.

When he starts gaslighting you, respond with something like, “I understand you see it that way,” or “I respect your opinion.” Usually, this will shut them down.

8 Ignore them instead of calling out their behaviour.

There’s usually no point in confronting a manipulative President. Unfortunately, this will often only escalate the situation. He’ll say you made it all up, all the while remaining as cool as a cucumber. It’s so frustrating to have to deal with him, but you can neutralize a lot of his toxic behaviours by ignoring them.Manipulative, dishonest people can only fool people for so long, so you don’t need to worry about exposing him.

9 End arguments with a vague response.

Egotistical people will never admit they’re wrong, so arguments just escalate. Because he’s so arrogant and self-centred, it’s impossible to get him to own up to mistakes. He simply won’t do it. Save yourself the time and energy by refusing to argue. It’s the fastest way to shut them down.

You might say, “I hear you,” or “I understand your point.”

10 Ask about their interests to change the topic.

Self-absorbed people love to hear themselves talk. They’re also less likely to criticize you if they’re monologuing about a favourite topic. Use this tactic to neutralize a narcissistic politician. Try to pick a topic that interests you, too, so you’re not bored. Say something like:

“You’re practically a professional at golf I was hoping you could give me some tips.

11 Focus on the future so you don’t trigger them.

Even if it hurts you, it’s best not to bring it up. Chances are, the President won’t even remember what he did. In fact, self-absorbed people are actually bad at remembering things because they’re so focused on themselves.Vent to a friend or politician about how  he has treated you instead of discussing it with him.

If you do bring it up, he’ll likely just try to gaslight you into thinking it never happened. Alternatively, they may try to act like he’s the victim. It’s just not worth  it.

12 Limit what you tell him so he can’t gossip about you.

Toxic people can and will use everything you say against you. He may act like he cares about you, but he’s just trying to dish the dirt. Limit what you tell him to the bare minimum, so he doesn’t have much information to use. Additionally, never tell him anything you consider to be a secret.

13 Set boundaries with him to protect yourself.

Explain the behaviours you will and won’t accept from him. Then, give him consequences for what will happen if he disrespects your boundaries. If he violates your boundaries, follow through on the consequences you set. Establishing boundaries allows you to take back your power in the relationship. Here are some boundaries you might set:

“If you yell at me or call me names, I’m going to leave the conversation.”

“I’m not going to explain myself. If you keep pressing me, I’ll leave.”

“I will only offer you advice about a problem one time.”

“I won’t listen to gossip.”

14 Take care of your own needs because he won’t.

Unfortunately, some people aren’t equipped to be there for someone else. If the President  is self-absorbed, he may be unable to be there for you when you need him most. Tend to your own well-being.

15 Build a support system to help you stay strong.

Being around someone with toxic, selfish tendencies can drain you. Surround yourself with people who fill your cup. Identify who you can call on days you’re really struggling and make plans with people you care about..

16 Resist their attempts to lure you back into a close relationship.

When you start slipping away, he may turn on the charm. A self-absorbed or controlling person will shower you with praise and make you feel like you’re so important to them once they realize they’re losing you. All of this love bombing can make you doubt yourself and your new boundaries, but it’s all manipulation. Maintain your emotional distance from him and keep your boundaries in place.

There is a phrase for it, but not repeatable in polite company.